October 5, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADAM!

Dear Children,

Contented exhaustion is what I feel after the last couple of weeks. What a mix of emotions I have felt as our family said goodbye to Grandpa Bitter! Funerals are always a great time of family gathering and reminiscing of fun family traditions and happy times. I was so pleased that so many family members made the effort to come to Utah to honor Grandpa. I LOVE being around all of you and seeing you so happy to gather with your siblings.

As we rushed to make arrangements to travel to Utah, we figured that we would be there just a few days and stay at Heidi and Bill’s home since Grandma’s home would certainly be full of out of town family. After arriving on Sunday, we quickly felt the importance of staying longer and close by; there was surprisingly room to spare. Sunday evening was a potluck meal at Grandma’s with over 60 family members and many were still traveling! It was nice to be of help to both Grandma and also Julie and Jerry who are there in town all the time.

Dad was relieved to be in town early enough to be able to help dress Grandpa on Monday afternoon. That morning it was a great feeling to round the corner of the staircase and see three of Grandma’s sons surrounding her to give her a blessing as they prepared to leave for the mortuary. Dad, Doug and Jerry had the opportunity to dress Grandpa and then have a quiet lunch all together. I headed to campus to watch Katie direct the BYU Daily News at noon. She has really grown in her expertise; all changes or questions are run through her for split second decisions while broadcasting. She was working with a new producer that day so there were lots of mistakes to cover up. We met up for lunch with Shawn and Aubrey, who had arrived the night before on their rearranged triangle trip from the Bay Area to Utah and then ending at a weekend wedding in Los Angeles with a side trip to Disneyland.

For the Monday night viewing, the mortuary was beautiful and many family members had done much to make the setting a perfect one. The room was filed with displays, pictures and even a slide show. From the first minute to the last, there was a steady stream of people; I was so surprised at how many people came. I thought it would be mainly family but there were acquaintances from long ago that even Grandma had a hard time to remember. Morty, Aaron and Nate arrived later that night and decided to also stay at Grandma’s since there was room; they were only going to be there for one night.

The Tuesday morning viewing and funeral services went forward flawlessly. All family members were well prepared as all Dad’s siblings spoke and most grandsons were pall bearers since they were separated into two “platoons”, as Grandpa would have labeled it, with responsibilities at either the church or the cemetery. One of my favorite parts of the service was when all the grandchildren and great grandchildren stood and turned in their seats in the front to sing “I am a Child of God.”

The day of the funeral was absolutely perfect, including the weather. The afternoon service to bury Grandpa at Camp Williams at the point of the mountain showed signs of a storm approaching with lots of wind whipping the flags. The graveside service was accompanied by a 21 gun salute which was extremely intriguing to the great grandsons. Five year old Ryan Young said as he shushed someone next to him, “Now this is going to be the good part!” Dad likes this picture by the casket since it represents his bond with his dad in life and beyond. Being the beginning of October, our trip started with summer-like heat and ended with driving through lots of slush, driving hail storms through northern Utah while snow plows were already busy at work and snow from Snowville Utah to past Burley Idaho! The day after the funeral an early, season chilly storm had hit Utah.

The turn in the weather curtailed our plans to bike to Bridle Veil Falls but we still hiked the Y one morning. We decided to stay in Utah and watch the BYU versus Utah State football game and then through general conference. I had forgotten how great Grandma and Grandpa’s football seats were! It was fun to sit so close. Making it even more fun was that Katie and Adrianne came over at half time and visited with us.

On Thursday night Adrianne volunteered to watch the girls so Heidi and Bill could go to their annual dinner with Elder Bateman. She was the perfect auntie and made bread so they could make their own personal pizzas. The girls slept over with us so they could have a sleepover to try and make up for us not sleeping for a few days at their home. We had a fun “sleepover” with the Brady family the first night that we arrived in Utah. They were staying at one of Bill’s client’s homes in Midway. It was very luxurious and gorgeous and so were all the surroundings with the fall leaves changing color in the canyons!

Dad and I love being on campus. On Friday morning I took Dad to see Katie’s broadcast while I took Jenna and Rebekah to see Adrianne’s lab. Adrianne showed us her work in the sixth floor laboratory with all the Sun bear samples and then, in the basement of the Widtsoe Building where all her “fresh” samples are in freezers, we ate our lunch! It is the very hall that a bat landed on me during an experiment while I was in college; it still gives me the creeps. Among the locked up samples and animal bones we shared the lunch that we had packed for Adrianne. Looking at all the meticulous and time intensive methods used to not jeopardize the integrity of the research, it was very apparent why this study is SO overwhelming. We all thought it would be done in a year but now I HOPE it will be done before Adrianne graduates as I believe she is hoping it will be her senior paper.

As soon as Adrianne had to head back to work, Dad was coming back from the studio so we got to visit upstairs again while Dad got a tour. This time, Adrianne let Jenna and Rebekah handle a couple of bags of rat liver and kidneys! Dad really loved his visit to Katie’s studio and was amazed at how professional they were and with Katie’s leadership skills. He got a wiggly voice describing the calm in which the team handled the interruption of the late breaking news story of a small fire in the Wilkinson Center.

My favorite session of conference was the Saturday morning session and the several messages about learning to be guided by the Holy Ghost. There were some very detailed instructions to which I hadn’t ever given much thought besides the interesting teaching from Elder Scott about the importance of our confidence! Several family members were there including Katie, Wendi and Heidi’s family. I fixed an egg puff and a huge bowl of fruit filled with Grandma’s yummy pluets that I picked earlier that morning. When I mentioned to Adrianne that I was making egg puff, she said she was also. She and her roommates had invited many friends over for an in between conference FEAST of cinnamon rolls, coffee cake, egg puff, pumpkin pancakes and tortilla soup. When I asked her if any cute young men came, she said many did and one young man was kind enough to stay to clean up until every dish had been done. Dad said that he must be of the Army of Helaman who was taught correctly by his mother!

In between Saturday sessions we gathered Wendi, Rebekah and Jenna and went to Katie’s apartment to hang her new curtains for which we had found bright yellow material. They are bright and make her room look cheery. She wanted a new look instead of everything being pink or Cardinal baseball red. After the Saturday sessions we had a big Crockpot meal and then I took Jenna and Rebekah to Pleasant Grove while Dad and Bill got ready for the priesthood session. One of Morty’s friends asked Katie and her roommate to join her indoor soccer team since they wouldn’t have any men on the team for their recreational game during the priesthood session of conference. Even though Katie couldn’t find her shin guards or goalie gloves, she still played with the boldness that is characteristic of our Katie! I knew her team was in for a difficult battle when I saw that most of the players walking into the complex were Hispanic! They lost by a big margin but looked like they had fun.

I didn’t take as many notes this year during conference, just enjoying the listening part mainly. I loved President Eyring’s Sunday morning message about families when he reminded me that moms cannot, nor even God, can compel happiness in a child. My favorite message Sunday afternoon was Elder Jeffrey R Holland’s very direct and strong message to us to embrace the divinity of the Book of Mormon and its God. We were at Heidi and Bill’s place for the Sunday afternoon conference. We watched conference with Grandma, Jennie, Mikael and Miley in the morning and then said our goodbyes in between the sessions in hopes that we could stop at the cemetery with enough time to also get to the afternoon session in Daybreak. I am glad that we took the time to stop at the cemetery. Dad said that he knew that was just a resting place for Grandpa Bitter but felt that his spirit was still close to home with Grandma. It is always hard to leave Grandma’s home but even harder on this day. She thanked Dad for being the backbone of her home for the week; she puts a lot of trust in Dad. I was glad that we had already planned a trip back in November for the Utah game after Thanksgiving.

It sounds like most the siblings will be at Aaron’s home in Las Vegas for Thanksgiving. Heidi and Bill both said they want to go, Katie and Adrianne plan to go even though they both were there last year and Shawn and Aubrey plan to be there even though they will not be able to travel up to Utah with most of us. It should be a fun and lively time together.

At Heidi’s home we saw the last session of conference, ate a wonderful dinner and played games with the girls: Candyland, Chutes and Ladders and a Doctor Seuss game. Even when it came time to blow up our bed, the girls made a fun game of it. It was fun to learn of Rebekah’s kindergarten class at the new school. She gets to wear a uniform to school.

Although I was so looking forward to adventures and relaxing with Dad on our dream trip to Hawaii for these two weeks, there is really no place I would rather have been than in Orem, Utah with all of you. Like Dad said at one point, “We have loved looking forward to our trip for over a year but we have loved Dad (Grandpa) for a lifetime.” I looked ahead to see when the cruise we hoped to go on would be offered again and it is either during BYU April graduation or next fall so next fall seems the perfect choice for us. Even though Dad and I would be extremely excited if any of our single children announced they were getting married, PLEASE do not choose the last part of September or beginning of October of next year to do so!

I have made a commitment to TRY and NOT do what I “should” do when I get back into town but what I would love to do: start making Christmas gifts. I loved last year’s Christmas when I was able to share some homemade gifts with many of you. I planed all year to do even more but I DO NOT know what happened to those winter, then spring and summer months! Here I am at my normal “think about Christmas” time and I am just able to start with my sewing! Since I was supposed to be in Hawaii this week, I will look at the week as one extra week in my life and fill it with my second favorite thing, creating gifts. I look forward to this chance to make what I hope will be the perfect gift as much as I look forward to the Christmas season!

As for the earlier week before heading to Utah, Dad and I had a great time with last minute planning and preparations for the Hawaii trip so it is kind of like we will had some of the fun of it without going! We took our fins and snorkel equipment to the gym to practice snorkeling and planned all our side trips at each port. We also planned our weekend around the Florida State versus BYU game. It was the evening of a ward member’s wedding. I was asked twice if I could please help with the set up that afternoon but I had to refuse even though it is so hard for me to say no since I refused to miss the game. I gave most of my day Thursday and Friday helping with her flowers, making 34 centerpieces. Eileen Daniels was in charge of the flowers and decorations and had approached me several weeks ago to start working for her. In the same conversation, she asked me to block out those two days for that particular wedding. I was more willing, even though I knew I would be busy trying to get things in order to leave for two weeks, since I hoped it would help put money into our household account. Halfway thorough the work though, I learned she thought I was just volunteering as I usually do! That was kind of disappointing even though I would have been glad to volunteer; I just don’t think I would have given so many hours considering the timing. I did volunteer for the kitchen (and volunteered Dad to help) so I could get out of Julie Brandt’s pleading that I be there earlier in the night (during the football game!). I am getting kind of tired of the “expectation” that the ward members will put their lives on hold for a few days to create these incredible receptions that are out of a family’s normal wedding budget. Eileen’s business is kind of complicating the grey area of this all being reasonable; some families pay and some families don’t. It doesn’t seem fair to the families that are willing to sacrifice to pay and align their plans to what they can afford. I am happy to help; it just seems that it has gotten overboard in the expectation part.

Morty was in Provo for the Florida State game. He was glad that he was up there for Grandpa Bitter’s last weekend living and his last BYU football game that he would attend. He said that he looked great on Sunday when he left. A joke at the funeral was that the disappointing loss against Florida is probably what made him sick! Katie wasn’t at the game for once since she was working in Salt Lake for the NBC Dew Tour. I don’t know what all that is about but it had something to do with bike racing and such. She loved being inside NBC’s sports broadcasting truck. That would be her goal, to be the director in a sports broadcasting truck. Morty and Katie were in Denver last weekend at the Denver-St. Louis game. Adrianne was here in Portland that same weekend for her friend’s, Meg, wedding. I felt like ships passing in the night since we left for Utah before she did!

Aubrey has been training so hard for a Nike half marathon only to injure herself after placing in her most recent race. She still hopes to be able to run later this month. Shawn has been toying with the idea that he might look for a MBA program. He got some advice from Uncle Dave this past week so he is not sure. Sunhee is on a soccer team again this year. Dad and I hope to get down there next week to watch her play. She reminds me of watching her aunts play!

I forgot to mention that on our last night at Grandma’s home, TJ and Kelly came over for a visit. TJ showed us the buzz haircut that he and Jonathan gave themselves, just for the fun of it. They asked Grandma if they could live in her basement; she was so thrilled. They are expecting a baby in May. Grandma thought the difference between TJ’s face color and bald scalp was too dramatic so here she is blending some of her makeup on him to blend the two colors together! And, he is allowing it!

Today Adam turns 10. Can you believe it??? Dad and I will connect with him this week for his birthday. If we were in Hawaii we wouldn’t have even had cell coverage to give him a call. He had a birthday party at Kyre’s on Saturday with games, a piñata, and pizza! I am excited that Adam will be staying with us in December while Mickey and Lynn go to Texas for their son’s wedding. It will be fun to do Christmas preparations with a grandchild. He will be able to help me with neighborhood and friend gifts and deliveries and maybe even our widow chili deliveries! Yeah!

Speaking of Christmas, here is the family Christmas gift rotation for this year:

Scott and Kyre’s Family gives to Shawn and Aubrey’s Family

Heidi and Bill’s Family gives to Aaron

Morty gives to Nate

Shawn and Aubrey’s Family gives to Katie

Aaron gives to Adrianne

Nate gives to Scott and Kyre’s Family

Katie gives to Heidi and Bill’s Family

Adrianne gives to Morty

Yes, Christmas is coming!!!

I love you very much. Love, Mom

Just before leaving town, I was able to slip away to travel down to Salem to tell Scott the news of Grandpa’s passing so he would hear it face to face. I am glad that I did so; we were able to laugh and cry together with lots of memories of Scott’s. I also had a feeling that I wanted to tell them I was giving Scott this news and ask if there was a more private place to tell him. I grabbed a list of phone numbers as I left the house in hopes I could reach someone. It all worked out for the best in that the chaplain came in as we talked and let us know that, if there were a recording of the services, I could send it to his office and he would call Scott in to listen to it. That will be a great benefit. He also invited Scott to come to his office on a later day and he would let him call Grandma on a regular phone and in private. Now that is a huge privilege!